Swine flu. Run for my life!
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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