You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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