I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
