I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
