When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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