he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
