Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
