I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
