Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
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The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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