I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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