it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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