I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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