so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
