I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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