I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
