If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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