I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
