I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
