He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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