I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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