"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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