The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
