puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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