Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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