I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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