Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
