I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
