Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
