it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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