Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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