i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
