Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
