I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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