I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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