honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She bit a glass in half.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
