He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
