Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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