what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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