the condom got lost in my hair
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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