Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
