it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
