I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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