My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Verdict: uncircumcised.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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