next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
