I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My liver just had a heart attack.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
