We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
