I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
