i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
