Where are you?
In a non slutty way
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Randomize
