Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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