thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
