I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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