it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
