He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
As shirtless as possible
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
im on a boat
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