not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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