Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
