Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
