Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
