dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
