I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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