It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
