I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
