Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Randomize
