and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We named our party play list daddy issues
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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