dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
