Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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