i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
