Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
