Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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