Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
