why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Bring me that man meat
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
