I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
