absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
