he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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