the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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