Heybabeimwearingurpanties
time to smoke my breakfast
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
