I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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