She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
