Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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