Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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