i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
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