i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
