i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
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he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
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I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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