Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
