I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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